I have a current Polish passport. It expires tomorrow. Not surprisingly, I started lodging an application for a new passport in November last year, thinking that five months should be more than enough. HAH! What a fool I was! I may have a current passport, but apparently I don't exist. Nup. I'm just a figment of my own imagination. And yours, if your reading this.

There's no record of me in the polish records because I wasn't born there. So, now I need them to acknowledge my existence. This will take around 7-9 months, apparently. Isn't that nice? I can jump up and down and scream all I like but I won't exist for 7-9 months. And then there's another waiting period for the actual passport itself. That can take up to 6 months. Wonderful. So it's looking like 13-15 months (minus the 4 that have already passed since i was able to submit the application) until I can have a nice little book with my photo and my name in it. Given I'm hoping to go to Europe in about a month, having a Polish passport would be exceedingly helpful.

Fortunately, they issue temporary passports while passport applications are being processed.

I called up today to find out how long it takes for temporary passports to be issued. The first person I spoke to had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. She didn't even speak Polish very well. Everything I said to her in Polish she replied to in English. That threw me. Pretty much the only place in the world where I'm usually guaranteed to be better off speaking in Polish is the Polish consulate (and Poland, of course.... and, well, when caught with a student ticket on a train but no student ID). So I switched to English and then she worked out she didn't know what was going on and put me onto the phone with someone who had half an idea.

This woman tells me it can take 4-5 weeks for a temporary passport. FOUR to FIVE WEEKS? A MONTH! My friends and family get a full ten-year Australian passport in TWO WEEKS! I want to leave in a month, and I don't like the idea of cutting it that close, especially since i'll need a new visa to be allowed back into the country. And that's bound to take a few days, too.

After 30 minutes of trying to get through to the consulate, 5 minutes on the phone and 10 minutes waiting until she called me back, she worked out that YES, i have submitted an application. And YES I just need a temporary one in the meantime. And YES that should only take a few days, maybe a week.

Red tape is evil. Avoid it if you can. And if you can get a passport in just a few weeks, be happy. Be very very happy that it's that simple for you. For the rest of us it can take over a year EVEN WHEN WE HAVE A CURRENT ONE.